Direction/assistance desperately needed

Submitted by JK17931 on Fri, 10/22/2010 - 19:50

I am extremely frustrated with dealing with county courts and am desperately seeking direction/assistance for areas that just do not seem right.  Out of frustration I sent the following email to ACLU..

I am turning to you out of exasperation in dealing with county level agencies.  I apologize in advance if this email is lengthy, however, I feel you need to understand the full scope of the picture.  I have been involved in a high conflict divorce/custody cases that began in 2007.  Since the beginning I have been fighting an uphill battle.  There have been numerours allegations that I have proven were false; however, there were no recourse made to my exwife for the false allegations.  Since 2007, my wages have been attached for child support and I was told if I loose my job I could go to jail.  I have managed a bank for almost 20 years; I have had 2 traffic citations my entire life, I feel I have proven that I am a responsible individual.  Since 2008, I have had joint custody of my daughter.  During this time, my exwife has been receiving subsidies for housing and child care.  Her application for housing was subpoenead; it contained numerous omissions, that "qualified" her for assistance; however when correct figures were turned over, once again she was not reprimanded.

In August of this year, I picked my child up for my custody period.  My daughter informed me that her mothers boyfriend had kicked her, there was a small bruise along her spine.  I contacted (local) XXXX police and attempted to obtain a protection order.  XXXX police questioned my daughter, completed a report (found her statements credible, and are willing to come to court as witness) and informed me I needed to contact XXX Women In Crisis for a protection order, as per XXX County procedures.  When I contact XXX,  I was told "they will not deal with a man" (local police are well aware of this practice);  I informed them I was calling on behalf of my female 4 yr old daughter.  During the next 2 hrs, a supervisor discouraged me from coming to there shelter, at one point stating that they would call Children and Youth.  I was advised to come to their office in the courthouse the following morning.  I arrived at 830 am the following morning as directed, where I discovered that their office is not staffed on a Thursday.  I then went to C&Y out of frustration, with the police report, where I was berated for coming to their office.  I then made several calls to my local Congressman XXXXXXXX office, which prompted the iniation of an investigation   During the investigation, my daughter stated several times that she was kicked by her mothers boyfriend.  However, the incident did not rise to the level to be a "founded" determination.  
Sept 22nd my exwife was terminated from her job for excessive absenteeism, I have a document from her employer, stating such.  On Sept 23rd, she immediately filed for an increase in child support, based on being "laid off".   On Oct. 15  I went to XXXXX County DA's office and asked to speak with a detective; I brought along the petition for modification, the verification against criminal statute 4904 that she signed;  The detective did not know how to proceed but would give me a call.  I received a call on Oct 19 from detective, who assurred me that the hearing officer would "see through" the fabrication.  On Oct 22 I had a domestic relations hearing;  the hearing resulted in numerous guidance laws not being followed; my child support has now increased to 1XXX.00 a month. My exwife stated in the hearing "I wont be looking for a job now".  After the hearing I went to the District Attorneys office, with documentation to file a private criminal complaint for violation of PA 18 C.S. 4904/unsworn falsification;  The Asst DA asked me to please wait while she got a sherrifs deputy to be present.  I was confused as to why and the ADA refused to answer any questions, just stating that she would "give to Det. x".  I asked why since procedure for filing a private criminal complaint requires Dist Attny approval, however she refused to answer.    I have written 4 local state officials, however only one responded, stating I did not live in his district.  The only local official that assisted was Congressman XXXXX office (not included in 4), which I am extremely grateful.  However, it appears that XXXX Countys views towards domestic situations is to continue to extend the processes, not follow state laws until one party is financially matter what civil rights are violated.
I am extremely frustrated with the discrimination, lack of oversight and extortion I feel I have experienced for being a responsible father.  Can you please help me understand how this is allowed to happen??...Help me understand what rights fathers have in this Commonwealth??  Can you please assist in  providing guidance or direction.
I would be pleased to discuss in further detail.
Any insight would be greatly appreciated..

The best bet if you can is to locate on our meetings page for dates and times so you can come and we can help you out - if you live in the Philadelphia area.

Let us know,


Bill -



Thank you very much for responding...I have no problem traveling, I will walk if need be for my daughter.  If my location would not be an issue, I would be happy to come?  Thank you again, I am truely grateful for any assistance you could provide.



Fri, 12/17/2010 - 09:05

I'm so sorry to read about your case, but I hope you realize that you are definitley not alone. My partner loves his kids and was in an abusive relationship for years and years, but no one will listen to him because he's male. Our local women's center won't support house bills that give fathers equal rights because accordiing to a lot of nonsense, men are abusers.

Recently my partner and I miscarried and at a follw up appointment I went into the restroom. There on the door was a greyed out sign with a woman on it that said "you don't have to take the abuse". Then when I was with the nurse in the examination room they asked me a series of questions, one of which I had been asked many times but hadn't thought about before: "has there been any domestic violence?". I just looked at her and said "do you ask men that question?" and she said no it's only in a woman's medical profile. I told her that that's what I thought and that it was ridiculous. Then the nurse proceeded to agree with me and tell me that she used to be an ER nurse and that she saw just as much domestic violence from women to men than men to women. Everyone knows deep down that this notion that children shouldn't be with their fathers is wrong, but few are standing up to do anything about it except for the men who miss their kids, but those men are already labeled dead beats who just don't want to support their kids. I personally have seen written out the amount of money that comes into just our local domestic relations office for collecting from "deadbeats". It was in the 400,000 range. The state pays it out and doesn't care if the man can't provide for themself or his children when he does get to be with them because often the women are on welfare so forcing the dad to pay eases up the public assistance costs. So you see, not listening to you and labeling you in any way other than a loving father is in the best interest of the state, definitely not in the best interest of you or especially your daughter. Our local office workers are often women who are taught that man are monsters and women are frail fragile things that need protecting, I'm sorry but I'm a woman and I am niether. When a man does fight back he's a bully, regardless of whether or not the woman took the first swing. When I was younger I was so glad that women had rights because they often didn't through human history, but we take it to a point where people are still not equal and the previously oppressed are given more rights than everyone else. People need to wake up and start caring about everyone, not just who it benefits to care about. Also since his children are boys, if this corrupt and neglectful system stays in place; his sons could be in the same boat when they are adults. Their spouses could be abusive to them, sleep with other gus with the kids around (my ex's case) and still take their kids from them. I don't want to see them go through this same thing. Something HAS to change.

You are not alone. Great story. How can we men or responsible FATHERS have equal rights and protection from abuse. What can we do to educate the society on these issues.